Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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