What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
