Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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