Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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