the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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