it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
