why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
