I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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