If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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