yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
