A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Green mimosas i think yes
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
