This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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