i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
