I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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