i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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