someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
