I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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