dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
