i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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