all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
