Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
