Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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