Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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