I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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