Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
