Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
In America we eat man semen.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
