I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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