I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He? As in you personified your dick?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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