so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
