he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
