my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
