why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
