hotel room ftw
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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