it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
