i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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