Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
