We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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