so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
