can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
