well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
