Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
