Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
