What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
