It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
