I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
