I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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