u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
