Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
