i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
