2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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