Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
