I hate your face
i don't like sucking hair
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
