How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
sex in a hospital.. check
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
