sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
