I have demons in me.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
