Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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