You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
