Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
