I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
