I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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