oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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