ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
