Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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