By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
