i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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