I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
