whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
