Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
