I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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