It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
