Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
