yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
