I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
