I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize