i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
