I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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